I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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