She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
