cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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