I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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