The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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