Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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