Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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