Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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