I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
