"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
