so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
