My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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