either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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