Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
