dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
