Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
