8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
