I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
