wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
