bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
