saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
