I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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