New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
