First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
