Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
