The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
