just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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