So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
