Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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