Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
