my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
