Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
