We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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