I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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