why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
