I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
