Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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