TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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