remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
