Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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