was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
