If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you didnt know i had herpes?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
