It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
