A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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