I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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