then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
