I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
