I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
