you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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