yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
