I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
