Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
