I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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