For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And then my night got REAL pukey
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
