My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
