Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
